An EDA Member Works the Steps (Big Book 520)

Whenever things go sideways, I usually find that my expectations have been thwarted in some way and I have to examine why I have these expectations. I find I often think other people should want the same things I do, but they do not. Sometimes I don’t even realize I have unspoken expectations—until they aren’t met. At other times I know I have them, but don’t think I should have to express them, which is silly. Or I am embarrassed to express them, which frequently points to unreasonableness on my part. Sometimes, my expectations are rational and clearly expressed, but I don’t always get what I want. I can even get more upset when the very person who has just disappointed me has the temerity to be disrespectful as well! When that happens, I usually discover that I became judgmental and critical as a result of some disappointment; I can behave badly without even recognizing it. Even now, at thirty years sober and with many years of solid recovery from my eating disorder, I catch myself trying to “direct the show,” which can be exasperating. But at least I know what is the matter and what to do about it.